Essays, Art and Plays by Dan

Humility: The Thing We All Claim to Have (But Don’t Really Want)

Humility is weird. On paper, it sounds like this noble, almost saintly quality—thinking of yourself less, being modest, not showing off. But if we’re being honest, most of us kind of hate the idea of actually being humble. We like to say we value it, but then we turn around and applaud the loudest, most self-promoting voices. It’s like this weird cultural paradox: Be humble, but also be successful, and make sure everyone knows about it.

There’s this famous quote from C.S. Lewis that goes something like, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” Which sounds great until you actually try doing it and realize that not thinking about yourself is basically impossible. Our brains just don’t work like that. Even when we’re doing something supposedly humble—like helping a friend move—we’re probably still half-thinking about how much we’re sacrificing our Saturday to lift boxes.

Take Fred Rogers—yes, the Mister Rogers. Here’s a guy who spent decades on TV telling kids to be kind, patient, and curious. By all accounts, he was genuinely like that off-screen too. He wrote back to fans personally and made time for anyone who needed kindness. Meanwhile, most of us can’t make it through a day without getting irritated at slow walkers. Fred’s version of humility feels almost surreal.

In the end, maybe humility isn’t about totally forgetting yourself. Maybe it’s just about remembering that other people matter, too, and not making everything about your own narrative. And that’s hard. But maybe admitting that is kind of the point.